How to use an Asian toilet. It isn’t as hard as you think.

Posted on Jul 30, 2017 in Experiences

After travelling in Asia since 1990, you would think I would have come to terms with that funny little hose by the toilet but I’m embarrassed to say, it’s taken me until recent times to really appreciate the concept. That little garbage in the corner of the room has finally shamed me into using it. Now that I’m converted, I find the ‘bum gun’ is way more hygienic and leaves you feeling fresher than the paper option. On top of that, the plumbing in many Asian countries can’t cope with the paper (feminine hygiene products are a big no-no!) and you don’t need the humiliation of calling your host in to unblock. The road to conversion can be fraught with danger though so to make it your preferred option, there are a couple of points to consider.

Ok, now that’s out of the way…

Test the pressure first! You don’t need a pressure wound in delicate areas. Many Asian toilets are wet rooms and in those you might test any where in the room but I would prefer to give it a little squirt in the bowl. Obviously this needs to be done before you sit.

Ok, down to business. I won’t go into great detail but until you get the hang of the aim, it’s not a bad idea to flush the bowl. You don’t want to hit the contents and have it splash back up…

Now the point of the conversation – aim is the key. When you’re done, take that little hose and, from the rear, don’t shoot straight down because you’ll probably miss… let’s call it the point(?). You want just the slightest angle but not enough angle to cause yourself problems (if that’s something you’re interested in, you need to talk to someone else!).

Ladies, the other direction is even easier – same principal but from the front.

Temperature? The water will be cool but not generally uncomfortable. In fact, in Asia it’s quite pleasant! If you do become a fan and choose to use a bidet in a colder climate, do yourself a favour and use the temperature controls. Apparently that cold water can lift you off the seat a lot sooner than you’re ready for. (I did hear the yelps from the other room and that was pretty funny!!)

And the finale… It may seem obvious but the paper that goes into the little bin is meant to be clean and if you’ve mastered the technique of the bum gun, that’s exactly what you’ll get. Just pat dry after you wash!

If you have the luxury of a bidet, you may have a few more options like the blow dry function (but that’s a whole other story) but before you decided to experiment with the buttons, there really is no other way except to sit down or end up with a mess. Do start on the most gentle settings and work your way up from there.

Be nice to our Asian hosts and give the bum gun a go. It will become your preferred option too.